(Image by Jamie Reid)
“we are all equal, but some are more equal than others”.
My Lordzzz, Ladeeeez anda Gentlemen, hello, good evening and welcome to the Continuous, 24/ 7, 365, Non Stop, Endless Bullingdon Bully Boys Ball.
On this wonderful evening of millions I’d like to introduce three living legends…
Three giants amongst men… three men simply overflowing with honesty, sincerity, talent, charisma, wit and charm. Three men of outstanding calibre, eminent men of ethics, chivalrous, highly dependable and second to none… three men of high principle, of deep integrity, of unbridled honesty, uncorrupted by greed or personal ambition, the living definitions of “Moral Fibre”, the embodiment of all that is noble, decent and virtuous within the Human Race… three champions of the impoverished and suffering defenders of the weak and persecuted… three Bastions of Society who make this world a safer, fairer, more egalitarian place, men you can trust and rely on, men of their word .
Unfortunately, none of them could be here tonight.
(Image by Paleface)
Instead, it gives me enormous displeasure and righteous indignation and absolute revulsion to present to you, three nasty, unprincipled and evil scumbags who live only to satisfy their unconstrained ambition and greed and their unending quest for personal gain, whilst simultaneously and directly ruining, destroying and even literally ending the lives of millions of people, not just here, but all over the world…
I give you, still reeling and dizzy from their scandalous mismanagement of the Nation and the economy, hot off the back of appallingly undervaluing and privatizing the Post Office, Eurostar, the Royal Bank of Scotland, Lloyds Bank, and any other nationally owned asset they can flog off cheap to their chums.
Three men still hot from dividing the population with the ruinous referendum, responsible for the forthcoming exit from the EU and the likely break up of the UK, responsible for the rise in right wing race related hate crimes, the loss of the single market, the collapse of the sterling, the abysmal plunge of the Stock Market. The men who begged for the chance to bomb the Syrians like they did the Libyans, and who cheered when they got and took whatever steps necessary to ensure those refugees whose lives are shattered, remain caged or washed up on beaches, to name just a few of their achievements of these country dividing pillars of disaster and the piss poorest excuse for a government since records began.
I give you the men breathless from their disastrous, nay catastrophic and deliberate mismanagement of the NHS, happy in their haughty mission to ruin it and ensure its privatization through the back door, and while we are at it, lets give credit where credit is due, it would be improper not to mention the same deliberate destruction of the Fire Brigade, of the Police, the Prison Service, the Department of Works and Pensions, the Environment Agency as well.
My Lordzzz, Ladeeeez anda Gentlemen, I would be remiss in my duties as Master of Ceremonies if I failed to mention their massive contribution, active participation and wholehearted support of…
…the scandalous surge in the numbers of families living below the poverty line,
… the millions of desperate parents agonizing over the forced choice between feeding their children or heating their homes,
… the shameful increase and inevitable reliance upon food banks by millions of people and families unable to afford to feed themselves,
…of the spiraling number of the homeless flooding the streets, evicted from their accommodation by gouging landlords who cripple local councils and social services by extorting money by way of housing benefit payments, thereby ensuring the destruction of communities, neighbourhoods and support networks as a result of the inevitable social cleansing these evictions assure,
…of the number of disabled, the mentally ill, the elderly and the infirm left to care for themselves despite the fact that it is clear that they can’t and due to the savage cuts, subsidiaries to landlords and of enforced austerity allegedly in place to get us out of the shit that greed driven bankers put us up to our necks in.
Image by Paleface
Yes, these great and noble men have managed to achieve all this whilst struggling on a salary of more than three times the national average, and on top of their 2nd home allowance, subsidized food, alcohol and everything plus a jolly well deserved 11% pay rise and an inflation busting increase of 1.3%pa and creative expense accounts à volonté and their hidden trusts and tax avoidance vehicles they keep so very quiet about.
And yet these pillars of society still manage to enable multinational corporations and their favourite leeching pariahs [like Philip “Toad of Toad Hall” Greed], to avoid any tax liability in the UK. They enable legalized fraud and fail to do anything to change it, because they personally benefit from it and so will do nothing to prevent it, they aint no foot shooting fools. Yes, their campaign contributing chums in these massive corporations can enjoy and take complete advantage of an educated tax paying workforce any of whom are saddled with massive debt to pay for the university qualification they needed to qualify for that job, utilize zero hour contacts to their benefit, pay minimum wage to their employees who are reliant on tax credits and housing benefit to survive, and who are kept in a exploitable state of health by our tax funded NHS, employees who travel to the premises of these tax free business’ that are protected by our law enforcement agencies and emergency services on tax funded, privately owned public transport infrastructures for free. Who was it that said “there aint no such thing as a free lunch… ?”
An event of this distinction would be incomplete without some praise, some word of recognition for the connivance, collusion and participation in the staggering and stratospheric levels of corporation and personal tax evasion that cost the UK in 2014 alone, in excess of £120 billion, and we won’t start on the tax breaks they afford the mega-rich and even their own legendary manipulation of the off shore tax loopholes they despise others using so much, whilst City bonuses soar and reach dizzying, stratosphere-scraping heights that would dwarf the GDPs of emerging nations.
My Lordzzz, Ladeeeez and Gentlemen, I know exactly what kind of welcome these gentlemen deserve…
I give you the three Knaves of the Apocalypse, the real life Dukes of Hazard, Snap, Crackle, and Pop they aint, please put your hands together for Eton’s Swinest, there they run, without further ado,
The lamentable pig fucking kid losing small mouthed decent suit wearing bestiality orgy pin up boy David “Nudge Nudge Oink Oink” Hameron,
The deplorable, fuck the poor keep it offshore, tax cuts for the billionaires no company tax paying cocaine snorting whore fucking George “Odious” Osborne,
and that pestilent philandering bedraggled bumbling warhol wigged evil clown Bozo “what’s in it for me?” Johnson.
Image by Paleface
The Three Little Pigs… Shit, Piss and Puke you make the choice. And lets not forget abort their malignant cohorts and cronies, lets hear it for those back room boys like SuperNazi, Lucky my Bitch is Filthy Rich 50 Quid a week disabled torturer, the loathsome Ian PoncingCunt – MenglerSmith,
The doctor hating NHS destroying lying utterly useless smirking uber-nauseating universally despised loathsome cunt of all cunts Jeremy “Top” Cunt,
The Xenophobic Medusa, of a refugee drowning, police crushing, absolute failure of a home secretary Theresa “let them drown” May,
the little turd without portfolio, the evil to the core, dwarf conman, liar and villain the golem like troll Grant “Shitcunt” [as his mother likes to call him] Shapps and his bigoted election expense defrauding suicide bullying SA squad, I mean YC squad of thugs…
Words by Paleface